DISQUS

Andrew Chilton · 1 year ago

It's interesting how it is easier to learn these things for ourselves than it is for other people to tell us what to do. I had a conversation in work the other day whereby two of us senior people were saying how the junior person should just take our word for it. I replied that in all honesty, people have to make their own mistakes to actually learn from them properly.

And as you say, it's the same for money as it is all walks of life.

Aya @ Thrive · 1 year ago

Even talking about finances with family members can be tricky, talking about it with a significant other is double the trickiness. Often times if one person thinks they have a good sense of their finances, they can manage it for the both of them, but that is not so. Both parties have to be aware of their finances and be able to handle it themselves. These tips are on target; take it one step at a time and don't force anything. It helps to have a joint goal (in this case, they're both saving up for marriage) so that both people are motivated, and it might help to share individual goals with each other so they can advise and plan together but also separately to maintain a balance.

Margaret · 1 year ago

Andrew and Aya, thanks for the feedback!

Andrew, I think that you're definitely right in that sometimes people have to make their own mistakes in order to really understand. Still, there are definitely ways in which you can encourage and influence without being too overbearing. Especially in a relationship, there needs to be that give and take!

Aya, I think that both parties do need to have an understanding of their finances, but I don't see any problem in a marriage with one person taking over the majority of the handling of them. The basics - sticking to a budget, saving, avoiding debt - can be learned and dealt with by anyone, but some people just don't have an interest in anything past that. I think your idea about sharing individual goals and planning with each other is a great way to open up communication and, like I said, use money as a way to strengthen the relationship!

Aya @ Thrive · 1 year ago

Margaret: The only reason why I think there is a problem in only one person handling everything in a marriage is because I've seen the troubles that can arise first hand. In the unfortunate circumstance that the marriage ends, the one who wasn't handling the finances ends up a little lost and has a difficult time trying to reorganize everything to make sense of their finances. However, if both people know what's going on even though only one person is actually handling them, it shouldn't be much of a problem. I guess going along the line with anything in a marriage, nothing should be a secret! And to work together :)

Frugalchick · 1 year ago

I totally agree that change takes time. My husband is making progress slowly but surely. I look forward to the day that he will help me manage our finances.

Amber Jones · 1 year ago

I think it's important to be patient and realistic in your expectations, and to choose your battles. There are sometimes that it's just easier to let the other person win to prevent further issue.

Margaret · 1 year ago

I really appreciate everyone's feedback! It's good to know I'm not the only one who has dealt with this and to be encouraged that change takes time, but it can happen!