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My mother made us pay for things ourselves, so that we were used to handling money. I remember buying something pointless once and she asked me why I had bothered, to which I had no good answer. Other than that, I think I got most of my lessons through osmosis.
1. My mother taught me (not outright, by our life) that there is never enough. Work is more important than family. All may be risked to get to the professional position you need to be at.
2. My grandparents taught me, Money is not everything. Money doesn't matter. Give away and help all you can. Family is the only thing that matters.
Of course, this has left me internally in turmoil. I am constantly worry over money and what I think we should have or how to get to that "sweet" spot. The only difference from my mother is that my first mission is always to my family. There is always money to be made. But only one Varsity Football game on Friday. Just like my grandparents said, "There is always enough".
I remember nothing from my Kid-dom so vividly as the mountain of bills and receipts that decorated our kitchen table every other Saturday or Sunday, when Mom sat down to pay the bills.
Looking back, it's not tough to see that money was an ordeal for them. And it likely brought on many other problems.
My step father was probably the best influence financially to me. Even though he(nor anyone else for that matter) never discussed finances with me, it was easy to see that he was extremely frugal and always saved and planned for the future. I remember when I was younger and hearing about saving him wanting to put more money into cds which confused me as the only cds I knew of were the music variety :)
I do think that growing up in a middle to lower class background is normally good for teaching people that you can't have everything and you have to make priorities. But some of that goes out the window when your parents splurge on you every christmas and birthday.
as kids, we earned an allowance for completed chorese and like blaine if we were to make a silly purchase, she would ask us if it was what we really wanted to do or would we rather save the money toward something else. I always saved, but my siblings thought money would burn a hole in their pockets!
by the way, flexo, I'm glad you increased the font size on the posted comments!
A big memory I have is that my grandfather really taught me the importance of saving money. I can remember at a young age probably about 10 or 11 years old and my grandfather gave me $100 to open up my very own savings account. One bank actually rejected me saying that kids don't know how to save money. We ended up going to a bank where we knew someone to open up the account. I still have my account to this day. I guess a kid is able to learn the value of saving money.
When I was little I didn't like spending my money, I think that had to do with realizing that my parents didn't have much money and that they were struggling. So I guess they taught me not to just go out and buy what I wanted when I wanted and to be sure I really wanted it before making a purchase.
I'm better now about spending money on things now because I know what I can afford and I know that some things are important for you do or spend money on. I remember talking to my mom about the fact that she was upset that it wasn't until I was around 12 years old before we went on a real family vacation and that if she had to do it all over again she would have made sure that we did more vacations together and not being so concerned about money.
So I guess I learned a lot about money management from my family from a very young age.
My wife and I are doing things much differently.
I learned a lot of things growing up, but frugality, saving, and delayed gratification were not among them. What I did learn, was a lot of street smarts - how to navigate difficult, even dangerous situations. I also learned a lot about charity and how poor people get by and help each other. I also learned a lot about how unfair life can be and how poor people often get abused and taken advantage of. What I learned above all, was that I was willing to work extremely hard to get out of those circumstances. Being poor has no romance or nostalgia for me.
I used education, hard work, and a willingness to take some risks as my conduit to a different life. And I learned how to be an economically productive adult. In terms of money lessons, I fortunately have my wife and her family as excellent guides to help me overcome some of the money lessons of my childhood. They are a study in living below your means and have had a profound impact on how I view money and spending. This is not to say that I don't appreciate the many things my mom was able to teach me - just that money lessons was not one of them.
We never talked too much about money directly when I was a kid, but some things I picked up from my parents were:
1) If you really want something, you can find a way to afford it. As a kid, I knew that although I couldn't have everything we wanted, if there were things I really wanted, the family would make it happen financially. Things like vacations (not lavish ones, but not super-cheap, either) were important to us as a family so we took them every year. I never felt rich, and we weren't, but I saw money as a tool my parents always seemed able to manage to help us do what we most wanted to do. (In retrospect, I know that some of the trade-offs included things like not saving enough for their retirement.)
2) If you really want something, you have to work to make it happen. For example, when I was 12 and fell in love with horses, my parents told me they'd pay for only two riding lessons a month. Either I could be satisfied with that, or pay for the rest myself. I worked in the stables, got a paper route, and babysat-- and I got my weekly riding lessons.
3) Spending money to impress other people is silly and wasteful. My family was very down-to-earth on this front, not much emphasis on status symbols or conspicuous consumption, and as a result I (thankfully) have no comprehension of how people can spend so much money on things because they're brand names or trendy.
"Let go and let God", i.e., trust that everything will work out and it will.
My father's attitude:
"I work very hard, and I deserve to enjoy myself with the money I earn."
My older sister's attitude:
"Live below your means, start saving early, and don't increase your spending just because your earnings have increased."
My parents have been valuable examples of what NOT to do. My sister has been an example of what TO do. I am thankful to all three of them for the lessons I've learned.
Money is important but it is not worth sacrificing relationships. Live life to the fullest (that means enjoy life while saving for the rainy day), that requires change of attitude and one's outlook towards life.
This not only taught me how easy it is to save, but also that it is an essential part of a person's financial plan. Saving shouldn't be an afterthought.
My parent's also impressed that giving - whether in the monetary sense or with your body/time - was essential as well.
I learned far more about daily money handling "philosophy" from the numerous Chinese and Vietnamese immigrants that lived in our neighborhood. They could squeeze blood from a stone, saved every penny, weren't afraid to find bargains anywhere and everywhere, and worked their tails off. Asian friends say I'm far more "Asian" in my approach to money than other white Americans they know.
1) the difference between wants and needs
2) the importance of saving - I opened my first savings acct with my first communion money in second grade and saved at least half of any money I made or was given
3) the value of hard work - my parents didn't believe in allowances. They paid for the necessities of life (clothes, etc) and a few fun things while I was young, but as soon as I could work (10 at my dad's shop) I had use my own mony for fun things and I quickly learned to figure out the cost of things in 'hours'
4) how to live frugally. My father owns his own business and my parents were never poor but they never lived above their means - expensive things (like dinner out at a restaurant) always remained treats
5) how to cook, sew, basic home maintenance. I didn't realize how valuable this was until I started working full time - it's amazing how many of our friends and neighbors (even the elderly ones) who are forced to spend money to fix a seam or build a porch.
This was a great question!
I learned a lot about priorities in spending. My nieces and nephew always get a check from me that goes straight to their 529 accounts.
i think positively, it affected me in that my part time 3 to 4 hr a week minimum wage job in high school enabled me to escape (all was not good on the home front; abuse). i saved most of my income and temped the summer after i turned 18 and managed to save $500 total which i used that september to move far, far away to san francisco by the seat of my pants (yes, it was a success). but you know what? most of this savings acheivement was simply from being unbelievably mostivated to exit that house and never look back. feelings i intensely had since extremely young.
negatively, i feel their own unrealisticness (which is not all explained here...) and not sharing of what actually was real (concrete figures of living costs for instance! how rationed out, percentages of what went to where etc) both made me a bit unrealistic i found in being able to get the things and security i still am trying to achieve, over a decade later. or feeling like i could. it's been elusive.
also, not having a degree i think has hampered me terribly in my earnings over the years. i have loads of experience and clear talents, but i find a double standard out there when i am trying to get better (or even sideways) positions. my parents never thought a degree was that important (neither had more than trade school) and they would not have helped anyway (not that i don't understand part of why, but not possible to type the whole story here). i have been in survival mode most of my adult life. yes, i do have an emergency fund these days and am grateful to be able to support myself.
one more thing, since the clothing budget was basically unrealistic (ex: in high school nearly impossible for me to get items in mother's price range, even on sale. my cousin's hand me downs were heaven sent when i was young, clothes i never would have had otherwise) i have strong urges to buy clothing i like and i feel i spend too much on clothes and accessories, impulsively i think. it's gotten harder to control since i got out of debt a few years ago. i am not sure if this is from the childhood environment or would have been my thing anyway....? but i can't help but think of that history.
By way of prologue to my earlier post, I described my childhood memories of money-related issues, but didn't have time to finish. As to the question of how has it factored into my life now, that is an interesting question to explore.
As a young adult from college thru late 20's, I got into a lot of typical credit card problems - too much consumption, too much keeping up with peers, too little income, too little understanding of how to handle my money. The upside was that I was willing to work hard - actually extremely hard - to earn money. I was ambitious, but took a few detours along the way (long story). I think part of what was driving all this were the lessons of childhood - that living hand to mouth is normal, that spending on expensive clothes, toys, etc. was just reward for hard work, and that CC debt was good because it allowed you to have things you wouldn't otherwise have. Basically, I was going nowhere fast when it came to money. The more I made, the faster I spent it.
Then it all kinda crashed and burned. An unexpected bout of unemployment taught me that having some emergency savings might not be a bad idea and showed me that CC companies can get downright nasty if they don't get paid. That at least provided a bit of a wake-up call.
And then I met my soon to be wife. Someone who had grown up under entirely different circumstances. Someone from a traditional, middle class, family, with a Dad who worked at a big corporation and a banker for a mom. She found my spending habits to be somewhat appalling and undertook a financial triage on my finances - and I was happy to let her do so. Sure, occaissionally, I'd throw a tantrum when I was informed there was something I could not have, but firm in her resolve to reform me, she was.
And her parents were such an wonderful example - people who could well afford certain things but simply did not see the need to keep up with the Jones. People who paid cash for big-ticket items like cars and even a condo. People who would go so far as to purchase a car without airconditioning just to save a few hundred bucks (okay this was going too far). This was a concept it took me a very long time to understand. To me, they were like aliens from outer space.
In time, my wife and I became a coordinated team. I'm very good at making the money. She's very good at saving the money.
While I didn't learn the things I needed to from childhood, I at least had the good sense to find somebody I could learn from. So, yes, things have turned out pretty good.
And thus, No Credit Needed was born, in the darkness, in the middle of the horrible screams, and through the pain of the plastic, cutting my flesh...
Just kidding...
My parents always gave us enough. We were blessed, but, like most families, we used credit too much, and too often. So, I had to learn, the hard way, about the dangers of debt.
Great, great question!
Give me good simple food, a t-shirt, jeans, and a dog and I'm happy.
- For several years during grade school, my family qualified for free lunches (there is/was such a thing!). I distinctly remember feeling "poor", and not wanting to feel that way.
- We were given chores (e.g., cleaning, dishes, food prep) from an early age (7 or so), but no allowance. I think this helped me develop discipline.
- Growing up in a large and highly-competitive household, I learned that it was better to be in a position of "having" vs. "not having". Easy way for me to one-up my siblings.
- We were free to spend our lunch money however we chose (frequent alternate purchases included candy, ice cream and lip gloss), thus learning the all-important lesson of choice.
- When my 2-week old Christmas bike got stolen, my parents did not replace it.
- After I had saved up $100 of babysitting earnings, my parents matched it so I could fly across the country to visit relatives. This was a BIG DEAL because we didn't take family vacations.
Interestingly, even though we all grew up in the same household with the same parents and same life lessons, my siblings all have vastly different ways of dealing with their money. I still don't quite get that!
So my grandparents had a good financial background, were good at saving, made wise investments, and had more than enough to carry them comfortably through their retirement and still have something left to pass on. The problem was, they had 5 daughters and taught them NOTHING about money. My mom and aunts are all broke all the time, or claim to be. They all constantly worry about money. One married well (from a financial standpoint) but still worries about money because of her sisters. Two others have stable jobs that will provide a little for them in their retirement, but no savings. The other two have no savings at all and no way to retire, although they're at retirement age.
My mom's one of the last two. When I was growing up, she was constantly worried about money, felt that it controlled her, was always stressed. Today, she's making 68K a year and feels the same way, and still has almost nothing saved for retirement. She'll save a few thousand dollars, then find something so important that she has to have or do with that money that she'll blow it. She simply cannot live more than a few steps above zero, and she loves expensive things. If she gets ahead, she feels strange and finds a way to go back to a level of comforting stress. And guess what? I turned out the same way. Ten years since I first figured out that saving would be a good thing, I still can't make myself do it. Unlike her, I was able to get out of debt for a few years, but then I went back to school--a private school, of course, because it would have been financially prudent NOT to go to a private school--and now I'm deep in debt for my education.
There's light at the end of the tunnel--I've learned the value of saving and proper investing and I think once I'm out of school I'll have a knack for making money. I just have to focus on controlling my spending, learning delayed gratification, forcing myself to save first and spend later, and the other basics. I can recognize my bad behavior when it happens (something my mom and aunts haven't learned) and I'm financially literate. I just need to join (or start) a Spender's Anonymous group.
I actually learned that debt and paying interest to other people is horrible and that I don't ever want to do that: from BroDucky.
From PadresDuckies, I have this curious blind spot of not having learned anything BAD in particular. Helping them financially now just reinforces the lessons I learned while BroDucky scorched-earth campaigned his way into every sort of debt possible, except educational. Figures.
My grandma taught me to never turn down money. This was taught to me after my grandpa had already paid me for mowing their yard and she tried to sweeten my reward.
My dad owns his own farm and I was an employee. He made me save/invest 50% of my earnings that were paid out before I went back to school in the fall and 50% would be my spending money the rest of the school year. At the time I was in junior high and high school so my monetary demands were not significant.
I remember that I would go to the bank and make deposits semi-regularly ... these were small deposits, but me and my dad would go to the bank teller and put the money I saved into the account.
Today, I still value money and am not wasteful in spending it. I'll think twice about making a purchase and not be frivoulous with the spending. I attribute this behaviour to the earlier lessons learned by my parents.
Thanks Mom & Dad!!
Mother: One saves and doesn't spend on unnnecesary items. Most things classify as unnecesary, even food (I was anorexic for 30 years). Money saved will help some family member purchase home or start a business.
father: Money is the crime of a capitalist state and one needs it only if it will be applied for a higher end, such as helping children in need.
Today I get major guilt trips if I purchase anything personal, a problem I avoid with internet shopping and credit card. And since I don't intend on saving the world or saving money for someone else (am single no kids), will get many guilt trips on Amazon.
2) Componding works wonders.
3) Pay your credit card balance in full each month.
My parents never made me feel poor though (thanks Mom, Dad!) and it was only when I was in my late teens that I figured out we were poor.
My education came indirectly though:
-Dad told me one day that if I didn't make it on my own, he can't help me with a penny.
-I saw my parents walk for a couple of miles with their grocery shopping in blazing sun so they could buy it cheap and save on cab money.
-Yet they saved enough to buy a house and make a good retirement.
Today my wife and I make more than enough to afford anything we can dream of an then spare some, but we save about 2/3rd of our income, invest like hell and spend on nothing which is not necessary.
I also was included into the decision making about mutual funds because, even though I 14, I was better at math than my parents and they trusted me more with the numbers. This lead to me to invest in my own mutual funds, putting $50 a month away.
You could say that I've been very well brought with regard to finances.