DISQUS

baileywick · 2 years ago

Having seen this type of scenario play out in a family member, I would say that she is headed for trouble and frustration if they have such diametrical views on money and self-discipline.

When she's trying to save, he'll be out buying a motorcycle. She's taking her lunch, and he's going out with the guys every day. She wants to know where the $200 cash went, and his pockets and head are empty.

Good luck.

Mrs. Micah · 2 years ago

The key is that partners come to an agreement and live by it. It might be that she spends less money than he does. But he has to agree not to spend beyond a certain point.

Mr. Micah is willing to lend a hand, but isn't the sort of person to take initiative on working out budgets, repayment plans, whatnot. So I work them out and he agrees to them. I do my best to take his desires/needs into account and let him know that he can suggest changes. But I'm definitely the one who spends the most time on financial stuff.

Laura · 2 years ago

My husband and I are opposites. He's very frugal and meticulous. I do like to save, but I'm definately a spender. My credit is fine and I pay my bills on time. From my perspectiv,e having a joint account has helped both of us.

For me I appreciate having a chunk taken from my paycheck and all the bills are automatically paid. It gives me some piece of mind. Since I work part-time (college student), I put in a 1/3 of my paycheck.

I also learn to curb my spending habit by checking with ING everyday and see the interest I'm earning.

We put money to pay bills in the joint account and keep individual accounts for other things. It's a win-win situation.

GeckoGirl · 2 years ago

My husband and I are opposite when it comes to financial management. We both have great credit, healthy savings, etc. However, I'm anal-retentive when it comes to budgeting and tracking and he's laissez-faire. We've both accomplished the same thing, just using a different method.

The solution for us (in terms of combining finances) is a joint account that we both contribute to and household bills are paid from. Each person can spend from their individual account as they see fit without any oversight from the other. Of course, there is no secrecy, just no oversight.

ib · 2 years ago

suze orman has good advice and bad advice, but her advice on joint/relationship/money is very sound. check out her books for more details as she goes through it thoroughly.

basically, you take the gross amount each of you make, add together, figure out percentage of each. like say one makes 40k a yr and the other makes 60k. total is 100k and 40k'r can contribute 40% and 60k'r can contribute 60%. that way, each party is paying for expenses in an equitable way (if it was 50/50 and one person makes a lot less than the other, resentment can build as it's not fair to the lesser paid's pocketbook). my paramour and i use this method and contribute the figured out amount every month into a joint account from which our rent/food/utils get paid from. adjust when necessary, figure new %'s when either gets a raise or change of job/salary, regular salary--we don't count gifts and stuff that's one-time (but occasionally make extra contrib for personal excesses while shopping jointly).... btw, we have separate accounts personally owned beyond the one joint acct between us.

* to do this, you also need to figure out how much you are likely to spend each month on rent/mortgage, food, utils, etc and add 10% (suze says to add a higher figure i think) since something always comes up. BUT you do want it to work out fairly closely in the long run (with no huge leftover amounts, or in the minus, etc).

it's worked out very well for us and it's been a few years now. i'd say our $-temperaments are more in the vicinity of yours. so we both contribute to keeping track (paramour usually enters transactions in record book; i do occasionally. i figure out our percentages and monthly payment amounts. he usually writes the rent checks; i set up several utils to come out of acct automatically....). i used to be more carefree about my paychecks many years ago, but am much better these days.

i have also read that even if one keeps track and does most of the 'money business,' the other needs to do it occasionally for both appreciation of the job and in case the other cannot do it for some reason, absent or etc. so that they both will really know what is going on with the finances.

seek lots of info on the subject and after digesting it all, tailor it to your situation. you might need to work out some tweaks along the way, too. finding a plan you both agree on is important!

good luck!
let us know later on how everything goes! :)

ib · 2 years ago

meant to say, add "10 percent" to rent/mortg/food/utils monthly figure....

thanks.

Mark McGuire · 2 years ago

I would suggest getting the book Smart Couples Finish Rich for him to read.

Bad credit doesn't necessarily reflect future credit.

If he is intent on cleaning up his credit, then teach him about it. Teach him how long bad credit stay on his record and the value of managing his credit versus income/assets.

With a better idea of how long it takes to clean up his credit report/score, it may help him realize his goals for the future and work towards it. I had bad credit for a while but recently started working my way back and as a result, the years have passed quickly enough and my score is back up again and my bad credit history is slowly fading away, never to come back.

Tim · 2 years ago

Talk to your partner rather than talking to a pf blog. Really communication is lacking in most relationships where money is an issue. I find it interesting people can talk about their money issues and concerns with total strangers but not their partners/spouses etc. Money shouldn't be any different than any other issue where view points differ.

my wife and are are a bit odd. She is the better saver, but doesn't care about money and doesn't want to do the finances. I have been historically bad at saving, but I'm the one who does the finances. Probably because after learning some hard lessons, I care about money now.

Lindsey · 2 years ago

Thanks so much for all the advice - I love hearing all of your different opinions to that we can figure out the best solution for us! Thanks!

Jeremy Bettis · 2 years ago

In my opinion, you should NEVER join your finances without a written contract, i.e. a marriage license. The real danger is that your partner will get bored with the relationship and wander off, and there will be no legal recourse. At least if a married person wanders off there is a legal remedy for the other spouse to split up assets and debts.

speedy · 2 years ago

Jeremy is on the right track, but you cannot assume that even a marriage certificate will protect you.

I have a friend who was married, but her husband was able to clean out not only their joint accounts, but also her individual accounts as well, plus their daughter's college fund before he disappeared. In theory, this should not have been permitted, but he ended up with everything and left my friend and their daughter penniless.

You might wish to consult an attorney and find out ways to better protect yourself before marriage.

Prevention is always better than cure. If you don't trust this man about finances, then perhaps you should think twice before combining your assets with his. But even if you keep them separate, that may not completely protect you from errors or deception on his part.